I just threw up on my dentist
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
