I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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