Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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