he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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