just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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