508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
