I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
