I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
No stitches, just platelets and will power
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
