Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
