So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize