Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i used baking grease as lip gloss
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
