My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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