apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
There are leaves in my underwear?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
