Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
