we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize