FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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