tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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