You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
