Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize