If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
