Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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