Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
