Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
