i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
