doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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