You're my little dorito
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
