You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
