I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
So many bounce houses so little time
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize