just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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