It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
