Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
