pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I wish i was in the wii world.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
