Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
