I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
