hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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