So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize
