Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
