Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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