oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
