I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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