You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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