Barsexuality is the new black.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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