areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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