Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
