Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
