just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
