why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
