i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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