She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
