Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
