stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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