he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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