Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
