Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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