tell your sister to shave her snatch
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Shame - the story of my life.
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