i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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