It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
