you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
