I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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