I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
