You kept calling me your small dog last night.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
