after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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