the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
