Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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