I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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