Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
