You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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