You made me cry and you don't even care
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
