did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
