the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize