just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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