she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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