So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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