So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
