I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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