Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
We just shotgunned beers for America
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Drake has all the answers
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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