His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
