Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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