Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
