I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
