just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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