i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
