4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize