I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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