I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
