she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
