i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
