You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
