I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
