I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
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