i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Redeem this text for a blowjob
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I'm getting married
To pizza
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize