new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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