he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
