Umm I'm too high to move.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Randomize
