are you still at the devil's house?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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