I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
