remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
