It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
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