So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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