Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
