you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize